Today I watched my mom take her last breath.
I never thought a week ago I would be writing that anytime soon.
It has been extremely sudden and sad.
I’ve been preparing for a death of a parent since I was seven. However it wasn’t for my mom.
After my dad had his accident where he inhaled a toxic pesticide at work and flatlined, twice, he had told me that he wasn’t going to be around forever.
He wasn’t sure how long he would live and that I would have to take care of my sisters. I prepared the best a little boy could. I grew up fast.
My mom battled alcoholism my entire life. Having me at 16 instead of an abortion is something I will be eternally grateful for. The fact that she didn’t put me up for adoption is another wonderful gift I received from her.
They say that habits, addiction, and things of that nature can be hereditary. I do not disagree. My mom gave me a warning. She showed me a living and breathing example of how addiction can control a person.
I could have easily walked down that path. Between my father agreeing to stop drinking until I began at age 6 and seeing how hard that battle was for my mom they ensured that I wouldn’t fall into a path substance abuse. I am again grateful for this.
I don’t know what I believe about God and heaven but I believe in purpose and I believe we are here until we achieve that. To do my favorite and quote a movie, “If we are all alone and this is all there is then it seems like an awful waste of space.”
When I told my mom over three years ago I was going to get a divorce she didn’t judge or ridicule me. She never did.
That was a major turning point in my relationship with her. I held animosity to her for years. For choosing to live a life she did, for smoking and drinking, for not being the idea I had in my head of a mom.
My divorce allowed me an overwhelming amount of humility and perspective.
It allowed me to step back and really appreciate how hard it must have been to have a kid at 16. To not have a clue and to try and manage. To try and hold it all together.
My mom had a heart attack a 45, seven years ago. It was a big scare and that righted the ship, somewhat. However, it wasn’t enough to overcome her addiction.
I think that my moms purpose was to get through her pain, to overcome her addiction. On March 28, in the last messages we shared back and forth she asked me how much a membership was for my gym.
I responded telling her to just come try out a few classes and go from there. I had no intentions of charging her, I would have just been happy seeing her making the effort to care for herself.
She said she would come in after she finished her vacation on the 12th, the vacation she never went on.
At the young age of 52, she took her lasts breaths around 12:45pm today after being in a medically induced coma for the past week. She was full of tubes, lines, and a dozen bags were hanging keeping her alive.
I’m not telling you this for sympathy. I’m telling you this because I have battled challenges and have overcome some of them and to show you that you never know when your time is up.
I don’t know what other motivation you could need to better take care of yourself than something like this where someone finally was ready, my mom has never asked me to workout before, and they suddenly passed.
You never know when you will be taking that last breath or when you will not be able to put it off until tomorrow. One day, the tomorrows will no longer come.
One day it will be our last day. Make the most of your time.