aside The Departed

Man in Costello’s Bar: Oh… I’m afraid she’s on her way out.

Frank Costello: [walks away] We all are. Act accordingly.

I was sitting in a funeral service on Sunday and there were three little boys sitting a few rows ahead of me. Their father and pregnant mother were doing the best they could to curtail their behavior.

I could only smile and think of the oddity of the situation. We are in a room, remembering someone who left – someone who surely would have loved to hear the kind words shared as well as the young family member who performed a song.

We want order. We want less of the unknown and more of the straightforward. Life is not orderly. It is far from it. It is a chaotic mess. It is the reason people write, sing, act, perform and create. We are trying to make sense of our own version of this chaos. We are trying to create order, a semblance of a path.  What we don’t realize is that life is swirling around us constantly, shadowing us with false oases and letting us think that what came before was better or what lays ahead is the answer.

Life will move on – whether you are ready for it or not. Life will give you everything, but it will also take it. When and where is somewhat up to you.

My father told me a story of a woman whose husband killed her 14-month-old child because she was going off with another man.

unnamedI cannot imagine the pain, anguish, rage and desperation with that situation. I cannot fathom carrying on my life without my son. I cannot begin to comprehend any life if he was taken away like that. Even writing it makes me tear up. However, this woman has picked herself up and can tell this story. This part of her life is a chapter that is closed and healed.

We do not fully appreciate the precious and delicate nature of life until it is pulled from our grasps. I implore you to not waste it. I beg you to let go of that which angers you because it is probably not worth it. I ask that you hug those you love a little tighter. Make that phone call to the person you haven’t spoken to in weeks, months or years.

A grudge does nothing but show your own ignorance to what this is all about. It is bigger than all of us. It is bigger than the generations of us. It is bigger than anything we can fathom. Yet we are arguing over silliness that makes no sense.

Everyone does things wrong. Everyone is good. Everyone is evil. Everyone is capable of love. Everyone is capable of hate.

We see only what we choose. Grudges are something I used to hold. I would hold onto them and then I realized there are many more important things to hold. If I’m full of grudges, there is nothing left to carry and that will be a heavy burden.

I often think of what my own funeral will be like. I hope it’s a lot of laughter, love, jokes and memories.

If you are reading this, do not wait until there is no time. Do it now. Whatever it is.

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